I firmly believe that our joy is intrinsically linked to how well we process and express our grief, and that by understanding the mechanisms at play we can learn to tend to our grief with compassion, ultimately finding the healing we need.
Here, my aim is to share with you what grief encompasses and how we can explore the various stages and pass through the gates that keep us stuck in the sorrow of loss.
What is grief?
Grief encompasses the intense sorrow and pain resulting from various types of loss, such as the death of a loved one, be it a person or a pet, or the loss of a job, business, romantic relationship, or friendship. It can also manifest in the loss of our capabilities, youth, health, or independence.
Navigating grief & loss is arguably one of life’s greatest challenges. The years 2020 and 2021 brought a tidal wave of grief across the globe, as many faced the heartache of separation from loved ones and the devastating experience of multiple losses.
Countless individuals also lost their businesses, and the extent of their pain often correlated with how closely their identity was tied to those ventures, this is something I can personally relate to, having lost my yoga studio.
While we all journey through grief in different ways, my own experience prompted me to take a year off and move to the Lake District, where I could honour my grief and allow space for reflection.
During this time, it was the teachings of non-dual Shaiva Tantra which helped me. These teachings emphasise that after dissolution, confronting our pain can lead to profound insights and renewed meaning, underscoring the importance of stillness.
How to explore grief
Grief serves as proof of life; the depth of our sorrow often mirrors the depth of our love for those we have lost. It is an expression of both loss & life/love. While no one is immune to grief, many resort to disassociation, ways of ignoring or denying their feelings.
To alleviate suffering, we must learn to embrace and integrate our losses rather than defer them.In the late 1960s, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the theory of the five stages of grief
The Five Stages of Grief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance.
Today, it is understood that these stages are not experienced linearly and that many other expressions of grief exist, including disbelief, confusion, guilt, regret, and shock. Each person’s experience of grief is unique, and the grieving process can often feel chaotic. At times, you may need to set aside the mantra of “one day at a time” and focus instead on getting through each minute.
It is essential to recognise that grief does not necessarily become easier over time; rather, our lives expand around our grief, and we develop new coping mechanisms.
Acceptance involves learning to integrate our losses while cherishing the positive memories associated with them.
We are living in a time where we are now witness to the grief of all cultures and religions in all countries across the globe. It is not possible for us to be able to digest this amount of grief alone, which is why I believe that we all need the power of community and restoration practices for effective healing to begin & for us to ultimately not be carrying around the weight of the world plus our own grief and sorrow alone.
This is where my foundations in yoga unite with my calling for grief tending. Engaging in restorative yoga poses allows us to feel the weight of our hearts being supported by others, helping us to process our grief more effectively. In this space, we aim to illuminate the “Five Gates of Grief,” as taught by renowned expert on grief and loss, Francis Weller (author of The Wild Edge of Sorrow):
The Five Gates of Grief
- All That We Love We Will Lose – A reminder that change is an inevitable part of life.
- The Places That Did Not Receive Love – Reflecting on the neglected or rejected parts of ourselves.
- The Sorrows of the World – Connecting with the global causes of suffering that impact us all.
- What We Expected but Did Not Receive – Confronting disappointments and lost dreams.
- Ancestral Grief – Acknowledging the pain inherited from those who came before us.
While many fear confronting their grief, this exploration offers a path to healing. Creating a supportive community for discussing grief fosters self-compassion, forgiveness, and the integration of our fragmented selves. It is a space where we can breathe life back into our hearts and move toward fulfilment and wholeness.
By engaging in grief tending, we not only honour our own experiences but also cultivate a compassionate environment for others.
I invite you to embark on this journey with me, together we will illuminate the path toward healing and the rediscovery of our souls’ discordant parts.
Through years of dedication to understanding the significance of acknowledging grief and loss; and through training in bereavement and funeral celebrancy; I now find myself with a deep calling to create an intimate and warm space for grief tending. If you are experiencing grief in all its realms, I would be honoured to hold space for you in my upcoming Grief Tending & Restorative Workshop.
This space will focus on illuminating the five gates of grief, as taught by one of the foremost authorities in this field—Francis Weller, accompanied with Restorative Yoga (Deep Rest) as part of integrating all that is explored.
Grief Tending & Restorative Workshop
Saturday 25th January 2025
2pm – 5pm
St Mary’s Church, High Street, Wivenhoe, CO7 9BD
Wherever you are along your path to healing, I truly hope that this article has brought you comfort, hope, and acceptance.
For full event details and to book your space, head on over to my booking page
